Read my post on 12th January 2010. O level results were out. I was expecting Cs and Ds. Lawrence Gan called my name along with a few others: Evelyn, the twins, Yu Le, Crystal.........the high achievers. I was genuinely surprised- I wasn't expecting that. Never in my two years have I ever been considered the same league as them.
And results came out, and stunned me totally. Not only have I scored well, I scored perfectly. Perfect. A single straight row of As, single straight row of 1s. I remember seeing my name there up on screen.
That set the stage up for my subsequent expectations.
I went to VJ, survived pretty well, got into peer mentoring, H3, became known as the girl who does well. Would do well.
I am not that girl, you see. I work hard, but I've not done well long enough for me to feel sure about myself. I've not done well long enough to know that those results are not the result of a lucky break. I haven't, you see, and people believe otherwise. After all, all my VJ friends have seen me cope pretty well. But that's only the last 2 years. All through secondary school, it wasn't this way.
And all these constant repetitions, they've swayed my consciousness. Through mentoring, you start to believe that your answers are right. Through the tutoring I'm doing now, you've just got to trust yourself that you have the right answer. It gives yourself this false sense of security that you've got it under control. And it's creeping over, taking over your mind.
A levels was the biggest exam that I have taken. Omnipotent. It would be foolish to think that I've mastered or conquered it. The syllabus is such that you'd never reach the top. Your grades are just a reflection of how close you are.
This is directly antagonistic to my past few weeks of tutoring, when the tutor becomes the ceiling for where the student has to first reach. It's an evil barb, but its just the way it works. You guide the student to go higher, but your ceiling can't be too high.
It really is time for me to let that go, and become the student once again this Friday. Alright I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready! I want to be up there on stage but as it always is, zero expectations zero disappointments. Oh god I want to be up on that stage so so so bad.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Lensbaby
So I asked, what's a lensbaby?
And he said: this is what happen, when two lenses mate.
He reaches into his camera bag, and carefully takes out two lenses. This one is the male, as he points to the bulkier of the two. And the other is the female, he continues, referring to the slimmer and slightly more petite Sony lens.
When two lenses mate, this first happens to the female. He then extends the lens of the Sony, such that it resembles the small and erect female organ.
The female prods it's extended lens into the male.
The male then extends in a much more visible way, with the lens zooming a lot further out, albeit in a slightly rude and obscene manner.
After a while of jerking back and forth, the two lenses then decide to end it. They connect their small red dots and, after he pauses for dramatic effect,
There you have it, a lensbaby.
And he said: this is what happen, when two lenses mate.
He reaches into his camera bag, and carefully takes out two lenses. This one is the male, as he points to the bulkier of the two. And the other is the female, he continues, referring to the slimmer and slightly more petite Sony lens.
When two lenses mate, this first happens to the female. He then extends the lens of the Sony, such that it resembles the small and erect female organ.
The female prods it's extended lens into the male.
The male then extends in a much more visible way, with the lens zooming a lot further out, albeit in a slightly rude and obscene manner.
After a while of jerking back and forth, the two lenses then decide to end it. They connect their small red dots and, after he pauses for dramatic effect,
There you have it, a lensbaby.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
The crazy, awkward and horrible
Its in the middle of the night right now but I'm still going to blog because.....
Because.................
Jz is going to do ballet and I am going to run 3.2km non stop hahaha.
Because.................
Jz is going to do ballet and I am going to run 3.2km non stop hahaha.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Warlock's Hairy Heart
-by Tales of Beedle the Bard
There was once a handsome, rich and talented young warlock, who observed that his friends grew foolish when they fell in love, gambolling and preening, losing their appetites and their dignity. The young warlock resolved never to fall prey to such weakness, and employed Dark Arts to ensure his immunity.
Unaware of his secret, the warlock's family laughed to see him so aloof and cold.
'All will change,' they prophesied, 'when a maid catches his fancy!'
But the young warlock's fancy remained untouched. Though many a maiden was intrigued by his haughty mien, and employed her most subtle arts to please him, none succeeded in touching his heart. The warlock gloried in his indifference and the sagacity that had produced it.
The first freshness of youth waned, and the warlock's peers began to wed, and then to bring forth children.
'Their hearts must be husks,' he sneered inwardly, as he observed the antics of the young parents around him, 'shrivelled by the demands of these mewling offspring!'
And once again he congratulated himself upon the wisdon of his early choice.
In due course, the warlock's aged parents died. Their son did not mourn them; on the contrary he considered himself blessed by their demise. Now he reigned alone in their castle. Having transferred his greatest treasure to the deepest dungeon, he gave himself over to a life of ease and plenty, his comfort the only aim of his many servants.
The warlock was sure that he must be an onject of immense envy to all who beheld his splendid and untroubled soliude. Fierce were his anger and chagrin, therefore, when he overheard two of his lackeys discussing their master one day.
The first servant expressed pity for the warlock who, with all his wealth and power, was yet beloved by nobody.
But his companion jeered, asking why a man with so much gold and a palatial castle to his name had been unable to attract a wife.
Their words dealt dreadful blows to the listening warlock's pride.
He resolved at once to take a wife, and that she would be a wife superior to all others. She would possess astounding beauty, exciting envy and desire in every man who beheld her; she would spring from magical lineage, so that their offspring would inherit outstanding magical gifts; and she would have wealth at least equal to his own, so that his comfortable existence would be assured, in sprite of additions to his household.
It might have taken the warlock fifty years to find such a woman, yet it so happened that the very day after he decided to seek her, a maiden answering his every wish arrived in the neighbourhod to visit her kinsfolk.
She was a witch of prodigious skill and possessed of much gold. Her beauty was such that it tugged at the heart of every man who set eyes on her; of every man, that is, except one. The warlock's heart felt nothing at all. Nevertheless, she was the prize he sought, so he began to pay her court.
All who noticed the warlock's change in manners were amazed, and told the maiden that she had succeeded where a hundred had failed.
The young woman herself was both fascinated and repelled by the warlock's attention. She sensed the coldness that lay behind the warmth of his flattery, and had never met a man so strange and remote. Her kinsfolk, however, deemed theirs a most suitable match and, eager to promote it, accepted the warlock's invitation to a great feast in the maiden's honour.
The table was laden with silver and gold bearing the finest wines and most sumptuous foods. Minstrels strummed on silk-stringed lutes and sang of a love their master had never felt. The maiden sat upon a throne beside the warlock, who spake low, employing words of tenderness he had stolen from the poets, without any idea of their true meaning.
The maiden listened, puzzled, and finally replied, 'You speak well, Warlock, and I would be delighted by your attentions, if only I thought you had a heart!'
The warlock smiled, and told her that she need not fear on that score. Bidding her follow, he led her from the feast, and down to the locked dungeon where he kept his greatest treasure.
Here, in an enchaned crystal casket, was the warlock's beating heart.
Long since disconnected from eyes, ears and fingers, it had never fallen prey to beauty or to a musical voice, to the feel of silken skin. The maiden was terrified by the sight of it, for the heart was shrunken and covered in long black hair.
'Oh, what have you done?' she lamented. 'Put it back where it belons, I beseech you!'
Seeing that this was necessary to please her, the warlock drew his wand, unlocked the crystal casket, sliced open his own breast and replaced the hairy heart in the empty cavity it had once occupied.
'Now you are healed and will know true love!' cried the maiden, and she embraced him.
The touch of her soft white arms, the sound of her breath in his ear, the scent of her heavy gold hair: all pierced the newly awakened heart like spears. But it had grown strange during its long exile, blind and savage in the darkness to which it had been condemned, and its appetites had grown powerful and perverse.
The guests at the feast had noticed the absence of their host and the maiden. At first untroubled, they grew anxious as the hours passed, and finally began to search the castle.
They found the dungeon at last, and a most deadful sight awaited them there.
The maiden lay dead upon the floor, her breast cut open, and beside her crouched the mad warlock, holding in one bloody hand a great, smooth, shining scarlet heart, which he licked and stroked, vowing to exchange it for his own.
In his other hand, he held his wand, trying to coax from his own chest the shrivelled, hairy heart. But the hairy heart was stronger than he was, and refused to relinquish its hold upon his senses or to return to the coffin in whih it had been locked for so long.
Before the horror-struck eyes of his guests, the warlock cast aside his wand, and seized a silver dagger. Vowing never to be mastered by his own heart, he hacked it from his chest.
For one moment, the warlock knelt triumphant, with a heart cluthed in each hand, then he fell across the maiden's body, and died.
There was once a handsome, rich and talented young warlock, who observed that his friends grew foolish when they fell in love, gambolling and preening, losing their appetites and their dignity. The young warlock resolved never to fall prey to such weakness, and employed Dark Arts to ensure his immunity.
Unaware of his secret, the warlock's family laughed to see him so aloof and cold.
'All will change,' they prophesied, 'when a maid catches his fancy!'
But the young warlock's fancy remained untouched. Though many a maiden was intrigued by his haughty mien, and employed her most subtle arts to please him, none succeeded in touching his heart. The warlock gloried in his indifference and the sagacity that had produced it.
The first freshness of youth waned, and the warlock's peers began to wed, and then to bring forth children.
'Their hearts must be husks,' he sneered inwardly, as he observed the antics of the young parents around him, 'shrivelled by the demands of these mewling offspring!'
And once again he congratulated himself upon the wisdon of his early choice.
In due course, the warlock's aged parents died. Their son did not mourn them; on the contrary he considered himself blessed by their demise. Now he reigned alone in their castle. Having transferred his greatest treasure to the deepest dungeon, he gave himself over to a life of ease and plenty, his comfort the only aim of his many servants.
The warlock was sure that he must be an onject of immense envy to all who beheld his splendid and untroubled soliude. Fierce were his anger and chagrin, therefore, when he overheard two of his lackeys discussing their master one day.
The first servant expressed pity for the warlock who, with all his wealth and power, was yet beloved by nobody.
But his companion jeered, asking why a man with so much gold and a palatial castle to his name had been unable to attract a wife.
Their words dealt dreadful blows to the listening warlock's pride.
He resolved at once to take a wife, and that she would be a wife superior to all others. She would possess astounding beauty, exciting envy and desire in every man who beheld her; she would spring from magical lineage, so that their offspring would inherit outstanding magical gifts; and she would have wealth at least equal to his own, so that his comfortable existence would be assured, in sprite of additions to his household.
It might have taken the warlock fifty years to find such a woman, yet it so happened that the very day after he decided to seek her, a maiden answering his every wish arrived in the neighbourhod to visit her kinsfolk.
She was a witch of prodigious skill and possessed of much gold. Her beauty was such that it tugged at the heart of every man who set eyes on her; of every man, that is, except one. The warlock's heart felt nothing at all. Nevertheless, she was the prize he sought, so he began to pay her court.
All who noticed the warlock's change in manners were amazed, and told the maiden that she had succeeded where a hundred had failed.
The young woman herself was both fascinated and repelled by the warlock's attention. She sensed the coldness that lay behind the warmth of his flattery, and had never met a man so strange and remote. Her kinsfolk, however, deemed theirs a most suitable match and, eager to promote it, accepted the warlock's invitation to a great feast in the maiden's honour.
The table was laden with silver and gold bearing the finest wines and most sumptuous foods. Minstrels strummed on silk-stringed lutes and sang of a love their master had never felt. The maiden sat upon a throne beside the warlock, who spake low, employing words of tenderness he had stolen from the poets, without any idea of their true meaning.
The maiden listened, puzzled, and finally replied, 'You speak well, Warlock, and I would be delighted by your attentions, if only I thought you had a heart!'
The warlock smiled, and told her that she need not fear on that score. Bidding her follow, he led her from the feast, and down to the locked dungeon where he kept his greatest treasure.
Here, in an enchaned crystal casket, was the warlock's beating heart.
Long since disconnected from eyes, ears and fingers, it had never fallen prey to beauty or to a musical voice, to the feel of silken skin. The maiden was terrified by the sight of it, for the heart was shrunken and covered in long black hair.
'Oh, what have you done?' she lamented. 'Put it back where it belons, I beseech you!'
Seeing that this was necessary to please her, the warlock drew his wand, unlocked the crystal casket, sliced open his own breast and replaced the hairy heart in the empty cavity it had once occupied.
'Now you are healed and will know true love!' cried the maiden, and she embraced him.
The touch of her soft white arms, the sound of her breath in his ear, the scent of her heavy gold hair: all pierced the newly awakened heart like spears. But it had grown strange during its long exile, blind and savage in the darkness to which it had been condemned, and its appetites had grown powerful and perverse.
The guests at the feast had noticed the absence of their host and the maiden. At first untroubled, they grew anxious as the hours passed, and finally began to search the castle.
They found the dungeon at last, and a most deadful sight awaited them there.
The maiden lay dead upon the floor, her breast cut open, and beside her crouched the mad warlock, holding in one bloody hand a great, smooth, shining scarlet heart, which he licked and stroked, vowing to exchange it for his own.
In his other hand, he held his wand, trying to coax from his own chest the shrivelled, hairy heart. But the hairy heart was stronger than he was, and refused to relinquish its hold upon his senses or to return to the coffin in whih it had been locked for so long.
Before the horror-struck eyes of his guests, the warlock cast aside his wand, and seized a silver dagger. Vowing never to be mastered by his own heart, he hacked it from his chest.
For one moment, the warlock knelt triumphant, with a heart cluthed in each hand, then he fell across the maiden's body, and died.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Vday
Tomorrow is valentines day.................already celebrated!
First was a walk down the aisle
in the dead of the night,
Second was a bouquet of sunshine
without the hype.
Third was some small talk
with great many a dream,
Fourth was in two bits,
but we're still a team :)
Still a team, I like that. Never apart no matter what comes in between us.
I wonder what next year will bring :)
First was a walk down the aisle
in the dead of the night,
Second was a bouquet of sunshine
without the hype.
Third was some small talk
with great many a dream,
Fourth was in two bits,
but we're still a team :)
Still a team, I like that. Never apart no matter what comes in between us.
I wonder what next year will bring :)
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Good day.
Today is a good day. Took a few groups of Bedok North Sec girls, and they were bubbly and chatty and so cooperative. And they called me pretty ^^ delivered good debriefs, and everything went so well :)
Then tuition at night was with this new girl from Broadrick Sec. Slow but attentive and very ready to learn, and the look of "ohhhhhh it was so easy?? :-0" on her face was priceless. Good student, good night :) and I am very glad that I've got to meet so many lovely people today, who've helped me do my job well :)
Then tuition at night was with this new girl from Broadrick Sec. Slow but attentive and very ready to learn, and the look of "ohhhhhh it was so easy?? :-0" on her face was priceless. Good student, good night :) and I am very glad that I've got to meet so many lovely people today, who've helped me do my job well :)
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